FML

Fucking fuck my life. Just fucking kill me right now. I can't fuckign do this shit anymore. FUCKKKKKK.

Everything was fine and then I speak to Monica last night and she's like oh I'm on Jamals page right now. I'm like shittttttt, you're still his friend???? And then she's like yeah, is this Benjis new girl? Lindsay?

No no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooo don't remind me. All these thoughts just planted themselves back in my head. I worked out when I got home and smoked some weed and went to bed. Today was a little better. I woke up happy since I fasted yesterday. I've been crazy busy all day so I haven't had time to think about anything.

But now I had a few minutes with nothing to do so of course Im facebooking. This girl Aly, who is friends with Jamal, wrote on my wall. So I went to her wall to write back, and boom. There he was. Very first post. Benji.

Hes like come to the city and party with me and Jamal. I dont know why that fucking set me off. I just started shaking and got out of the computer lab as fast as possible and speed walked (almost running) to the bathroom and thankfully it was empty. I went into the handicapped stall and threw myself against the corner and cried. I haven't cried like that in weeks. Sobbing and everything. Punching the walls. Someone came in so I tried my best to switch to silent crying. I've pretty much mastered the technique.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

I cant continue this entry, there are too many people in the lab and I hate crying in public. Going to the fucking gym for the next two hours until practice starts.

Fuck you. Fuck everyone. I don't fucking need anyone. I have Ana.